Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
