Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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