she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
