We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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