Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
