I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
