Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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