Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's never too late to be topless.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
