saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
