what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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