I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
