Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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