Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
