I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
