shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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