Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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