Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
