Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
