How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
