I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
