Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
