oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
