Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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