Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
