the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
