I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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