I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
