she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
