I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
