The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
