Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
