my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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