I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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