I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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