I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
