New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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