As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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