You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize