worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
