it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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