I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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