I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
