there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
