I skipped work to stalk him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
