So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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