My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
