How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
