i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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