First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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