WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
