Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
