if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
