I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
