I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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