I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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