did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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