my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
