I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
