ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
