You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize