I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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