after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
