You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
