This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
