Nicole vs. Life
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
