oh god the rape fog is back!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
