State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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