I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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