So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
