Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
